What the Facebook??

KLM has come up with a doozie …. when you select your seat you can do it online with Facebook so that you can check out your fellow passengers and see who you might like to sit next to.  What?  Are you kidding me?  If I am travelling alone the only person I want to speak to is the flight attendant.  I don’t want to become BFF with the person sitting  next to me – yes that very same person who stole the arm rest and snored all night.  I also don’t want to exchange chit chat with someone who has been creeping through my facebook page and laughing at all those really really stupid moments of my tagged life.

But hang on – there is an upside to this too.  I guess it would help to know in advance who to avoid on a flight.  You could probably tell this by their facebook profile, the films they like, the books they read, the music they listen to, their friends, their political views, their “status”.  Actually this gets worse and worse the more you think about it.  Do we really want or need all this excess and often stupid information.  Facebook started off as a good idea and made Zuckerberg a lot of money  but I dunno.  It’s starting to give me the creeps.

Deal or no deal

Who wants to go to Mazatlan?  Hell of a deal out there – Just $485 for one week at a 5 star hotel (yes THAT hotel) with flights included – taxes nearly as much at $350.  I am prepared to bet that there will be lots taking advantage of these deals.  Shame really – it is a gorgeous looking hotel.

And it’s in much better shape than the Costa Concordia – there will be no deals on THAT ship – but her sister ships will want to offer very attractive deals to entice future passengers – and they have.  Um – 70% discount?  How does that sound?  I think that’s enough to entice anyone.  So a cruise that would generally cost $2649 is now available for $799.

I can recall very clearly the days following September 11 when air travel practically ground to a halt – and then I got the phone calls “So…I guess there must be some great deals out there – how much to get to Florida?”.

Don’t feel bad, people!  It’s just human nature – and it’s a good thing (as Martha would say).  We have jobs at stake here – people in Mexico work for a pittance.  That’s why you get a great deal to spend a week at a hotel with people cooking for you, cleaning for you and entertaining you.  You definitely couldn’t do that in Canada.

Of course there is always the old saying “cheap is expensive” – and sometimes you realise that maybe the deal you got was no deal -

You Know You’ve Booked A Cheap Flight When…

• As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing an “I’m with Stupid” t-shirt.
• The Captain announces over the intercom that the flight is delayed while he looks for his keys
• The airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from inside brown paper bags.
• The grounds crew are seen using pennies to check tire wear.
• A man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty overalls and sadly shaking his head turns out to the be the airline’s CEO.
• A voice on the P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft at all times while the plane is in motion.
• The air sickness bags have the Lord’s Prayer printed on them.
• Jumper cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.
• A man in clerical garb walks through the plane, sprinkles all the passengers with water, mumbles something in Latin, and exits.
• A telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower.  (courtesy of The Frugal Travellers)

 

 

Come on – give us a smile….

What is it about US immigration officers that makes me feel like a criminal?  My recent trip down to St Martin involved a number of encounters of the worst kind.  Every time I approached the desk I felt like I was auditioning for Midnight Express.  Listen – all I am doing is trying to get down to somewhere sunny and then at the end of it trying to get back to Canada.  Would a smile kill ya?  Maybe this is part of the training – do not engage with the aliens.

On the way back to Canada we changed planes in Newark so we had to go through immigration – again.  I was directed to one of the officers whose light was on indicating that he was open and ready for the next person in line.  He rudely told me to step back behind the line as he was having a personal little bitch session with his colleague.  I stood there – behind the line – contritely.  Hell these people scare me witless.  They have the power.  To make matters worse he called me “ma’am” – ugh.  I don’t think I am a ma’am type of person.

Whatever we think of going through US Immigration it is a necessary evil as so many of those lovely must visit places involve a trip through the States.  So I practise my humble smile, bite my tongue and leave the contraband at home.

Greetings from English Harbour in Antigua

This is definitely the other home of the rich and famous.  The small harbour here is packed with classy looking yachts from all over the world.  This is where you send your crew out to pick up refills of Moet and Chandon and any other treats that might appeal.  Our lovely Windstar yacht is anchored just outside the harbour and I must say this is one of the most fascinating stops along our journey so far.  This is what makes small ship cruising – and especially small yacht cruising – so very special and unique.  Not another cruise ship in sight.  Our stop yesterday was Dominica where we spied a big P&O liner alongside one of the small Royal Caribbean cruise ships.  Now as cruising goes only having two large ships in dock is not bad.  It can get horrible when there are 6 or more – all disgorged out to roam the streets and send the vendors into a frenzy of anticipation.  So every stop along the way with Windstar is another pleasant surprise for us and a chance to get into the ports less visited.

The highlight so far?  Our sail away from St Lucia’s Pigeon Point yesterday with sails hoisted on all five masts and the dramatic music of Vangelis on the speakers.  Our Captain took us on a slow cruise past the coastline of St Lucia ending with the Pitons at sunset.  Wow – so hard to try to capture this on film.  I doubt very much anyone has ever had such a good close up view of the Pitons on a cruise.

Every day is a delight on Windstar - after a cappuccino and half an hour internet time at the cafe we’re on our way to the beach.

Sunset on the High Seas

I have cruised a lot but nothing prepared me for a sunset on Windstar
cruises.  We had sailed all day under wind power with the sails proudly
filled, the engines silent, and now finally at the end of the day I sat up
on deck watching the sky slowly turn from the softest pink to a dark
dramatic burgundy.  No need to rush to dress up for dinner – this is as laid
back as cruising can get – but I must correct myself.  It is not cruising -
it is sailing and I am on the biggest yacht in the world.
 

Sunset in St. Lucia – Courtesy of Windstar Cruises

Today we dropped anchor at Pigeon Island in St Lucia.  The tender ferried us
ashore for a private beach barbecue.  The marina staff also towed the hobbie
cat and kayaks for us as well as the giant inflatable trampoline that
floated just off the beach.  Now what on earth would a collection of 40 plus
want with a giant inflatable trampoline you might ask?  It’s amazing what a
grown person will do on a hot day on the beach after a few cocktails – and
no – it wasn’t me performing  (just for a change).  It was all in good fun.
The point was the last time I cruised to St Lucia we docked at Castries -
not my favourite port but a typical Caribbean stop – busy, lots of traffic,
lots of vendors and lots of other cruise ships.  That’s what makes Windstar
so special – it is so untypical.  They go where the larger cruise ships
cannot.
 
The ship also adopts an “open bridge” policy so that for most of the time
you can visit the bridge when you like and have the chance to look over the
first officer’s shoulder at the array of instruments, dials and whatnot that
control the ship and the sails.  The Captain – a charming lad who honestly
looks no older than 16 – hails from England and clearly loves his yacht
dearly.  His face lit up as he unfurled the sails one by one and proudly
pointed out that we were cruising at 11 knots all day just under sail power.
As he jokingly told us he never knew he would grow up to be a ship’s captain
and recalls his teacher saying to him “McCray – you’ll never get a job
staring out of the window!”  Well guess what – that’s exactly what his job
now entails except it is more than one window and what a view!
 
You can tell this is a happy ship – a smaller ship makes for a smaller
ship’s family and everyone works well together.  Nothing is too much trouble
and the antics of the bar staff is sheer entertainment.  Friendly, efficient
service without pompous posturing; elegant dinners served to diners in
casual dress – not a suit or a tie in sight.  Sheer delight.

Safety Drill

It’s a weird feeling – doing a life boat drill – especially after hearing about the disaster off the coast of Italy with the Costa Concordia.  So often we tend to shrug off these exercises as something that has to be done but is a bit of a nuisance – an interruption of our cruise vacation.  Thank goodness most cruise lines take the life boat drill very seriously.  Our drill on Windstar’s Windsurf required us to attend our muster station on the deck next to our lifeboat with our life jackets on. A roll call took place and crew members were not satisfied until all their assigned cabins and passengers were accounted for. 

 You will know by now that I love to cruise and the Costa accident certainly does not put me off cruising.  It certainly is terrible that people died in this incident but it is also pretty incredible to think that there were 4200 people on that cruise ship and at this stage it seems that just about all of them got off the ship. 

It does bring up a good question however and one that has been nagging at me for a few years now.  How big can you go?  Today there are bigger ships with more decks, more cabins and more passengers and the necessary crew and staff to serve them.  Even ordinary embarking and disembarking is an exercise requiring military type planning.

Today’s mega ships are more like shopping malls on the water and cruise lines try to outdo each other with more gimmicks like ice skating, zip lining, rock climbing – my goodness whatever happened to the good old love of the sea.

That’s what I am experiencing here on the Windstar.  No gimmicks – just the world’s largest yacht with 312 guests on board.  This five masted yacht has made good use so far of its sails making the whole process of cruising the Caribbean islands an exercise in good environmental responsibility – wind-power instead of fuel-power.  Sitting out on the teak decks hearing the crack of the sails above is just lovely.  Sure we are still being pampered with fine food and sophisticated surroundings but it seems that we are at one with the sea and the winds and the waves.

Is it over yet…. pleeeeze

Next Christmas I am definitely heading out of town - somewhere hot would be nice.  A beach, a margarita and Feliz Navidad would suit me just fine.  I know it is a crazy time to travel – that’s what I tell my clients.  Everything is overpriced and overcrowded.  Airline staff are grumpy, baggage handlers unreliable and there is not a spare seat on the plane.  At the beach you can forget about getting a beach chair without at least bribing ten people first and if you are at one of those all inclusive resorts where the speciality dining requires reservations that morning – good luck with the queue.

So why would I put myself through that hell rather than stay at home in this “lesser hell” of crowded shopping centres, crying children and excesses of spending, eating and drinking?  You see, Christmas just doesn’t seem the same any more.  I know, I know – I am not 6 years old any more and if I had to line up and sit on Santa’s knee at the shopping centre – well let’s not go there.

I honestly don’t think I am going to find anywhere in the world that hasn’t fallen victim to the Christmas Commerce Bug.  Even in Hanoi and Siem Reap Christmas trees popped up on every corner and shops were lavishly decorated in Saigon with wintry scenes of sleighs and frosty trees.  I guess if I really want to escape it altogether I might find a corner maybe in Papua New Guinea or in Nepal?  Any ideas or recommendations would be welcomed.

In the meantime I will busy myself with taking down the Christmas tree.  Funny how everyone wants to help with putting the damn thing up – no-one ever wants to pack it away.  That’s OK – I am in the right job to spend a whole year dreaming and planning for a Christmas where Santa won’t be….. I know!  The North Pole.  Not exactly a beach but hey – maybe I get to see some polar bears – now that would be cool!

Take your clothes off and say “I do”

So how would you feel about being naked on TV?  Hedonism Resorts are looking for couples who would like the tie the knot in the nude in front of a few hundred thousand of their closest cable tv friends.  http://www.hedonism.com/nudewedding/

So what do the winning couples get?   (Apart from goosebumps and maybe a sunburn where you don’t want it.)  Well they get a free wedding for one thing and 4 nights complimentary stay at the Hedonism Resort in Jamaica.  Having dealt with a number of brides and destination weddings I can see the merit in a nude wedding.  Certainly it would cut down on the cost and the time of choosing “the dress” and all the stuff that goes with the dress – special shoes, expensive undies, silk stockings.  However getting  married in the nude poses some problems too -

• what to do with the boutonniere – can’t really pin it on.  Could we hang it on something ?…….
• something old….. mmm … that depends on your age
• something new ….  hey you could get new boobs
• something borrowed …. maybe earrings
• something blue ….. eyeshadow
• careful with that bouquet …. and no darling you can’t use it to hide behind – this is supposed to be a nude wedding – that’s why you are getting it free.

What about the bridesmaids – do they have to be nude too?  Well  now that’s just not fair.  Everyone knows that the bride always chooses one or two best friends who are – well – chubby.  No fair to ask them to forgo their Spanks and strut their stuff down the aisle.  Perhaps everyone has to be in the nude including his family, her family, the justice of the piece (sorry I mean peace – that was a Freudian slip).

I can’t see it myself – in fact that’s the whole problem – I can see it all too clearly in my mind and it’s not pretty!

The seductive powers of Ms Jet Lag

Ms Jet Lag is a strange creature.  She creeps up on you at strange moments like just after you’ve downed a double double expresso Americano.  Hey – what the hell was that?  I am loaded up with caffeine…. back off already!  Oh but she’s a determined dame.  Before you know it waves of fatigue are sweeping over your body and you long to lie down…. anywhere, really.  Right here on the supermarket floor would be just fine!

When you finally give in to her seductive promise of hours and hours of sleep she cruelly wakes you up at 4 am and wires up your brain with chaotic thoughts of work, kids, bills, laundry and impending disasters.  Yes you can try and snuggle down again and pull the duvet over your head.  Forget it.  You can’t escape her.  She will taunt you with all the things that need to be done…. NOW.   Even though its 4 am and freezing cold the compulsion to get downstairs and fire up the old lap top is hard to conquer.

Just a couple of days ago I woke at some strange hour at home in my own bed but lay there like someone who has awoken from a 10 year coma – wide eyed and not quite sure where I was.  Without moving a muscle I checked out the room.   Window, curtains, dark.  Oh of course – this was the Transit Hotel in Seoul airport.  Hang on… what’s my mom’s hat doing hanging on the back of the door.  Come on Lesley – you can do it.  Think…..

It was quite a shock to realise that I was at home in my own bed and that in fact I had already flown from Seoul to Vancouver, then Vancouver to Calgary.  It was all like a bit of a black hole.  I sat up in bed bewildered and confused and I could almost hear the smirk on Ms Jet Lag’s lipstick red lips.

Sticky rice in Saigon

Well I thought I had seen it all in Hanoi;  streets packed with motorbikes, traffic lights a mere suggestion, pedestrians with nerves of steel.  Take all that and multiply by 10 when you arrive in Saigon – or Ho Chi Minh City as it is now officially called.  Rush hour is crazy and don’t think you are safe walking on the sidewalk – these are handy detours for traffic trapped scooters and motorbikes.  Although it all seems totally crazy and random there is a certainly logic about the whole thing that I can’t work out.  Walking down to the Central Market from our hotel I found that some intersections had traffic lights which, for the most part, were obeyed.  However other intersections had no traffic lights at all but for some mysterious reason the traffic would suddenly grind to a halt – lined up as if waiting for the starting whistle.  Weird. 

Whenever we looked confused or doubtful coming to a street crossing the friendly locals would invariably offer to help.  “Follow me” they would urge.  “Stay close – sticky rice”.

The Central Market is hot, sticky and noisy but it doesn’t deter us from hunting down bargains.  Will the T-shirts shrink in the wash?  Who cares?  It says Good Morning Vietnam (thank you Robin Williams) and that’s a good enough souvenir.

For a break from the traffic, the hooting of motorbikes, the heat, the shouting just step inside one of the many upmarket shopping malls in the middle of town.  Here you find all the top name brands, Ecco, D&C,  Gucci.  The price labels are in the millions – Vietnamese Dongs that is – but even so converting to US dollars make eyebrows rise with prices like $800 a dress.  Clearly this is where the affluent Vietnamese hang out – somehow I preferred the market where the goods might not be the same quality but the atmosphere and the smiles are indeed priceless.