Tag Archives: humour

CHRISTMAS LIES

It’s supposed to be the season of good will.  The season when we do the right thing – tell the truth, remember to say thank you, think of others.  It doesn’t always work that way.  Take the Christmas letter – you know – that annual letter that is typed out and popped into the Christmas cards.  What is it about those letters?  You get one, sit down and read it and then realise that your past year has just been a disaster compared with this amazing family who seem to have perfect children all with PhD’s and pets that don’t poop on the carpet.  It’s really nothing more than a brag fest.

Instead of reading about how Jane has met the perfect young man who happens to be a heart specialist and is already wealthy in his own right, despite the fact that his father is one of the moguls of industry …. imagine this….

Dear Friend, I hope this letter finds you well and looking forward to Christmas.  If you are ready perhaps you could come round and give me a hand.  I still haven’t put up a single Christmas decoration.  I did drag the box upstairs but then the dog got into it and swallowed a whole bunch of tinsel so I ended up at the vet – which you know is going to cost me hundreds – because they had to give him an enema to get rid of the sparkly bits.  So by the time I got home it was a bit of a job to get the carpet sorted out.  By this time Jeff had come home to tell  me that his girlfriend is pregnant and they are getting married.  He has to quit school now and he is only 17 so I don’t know where that leaves us.  He says there is plenty of room in the basement, if only I can move the rest of the Christmas decorations.  Of course his girlfriend’s dad is mad with Jeff and it’s not made any easier with her dad being my boss.  Talk about awkward.  I went to see my doctor about these headaches and he says it’s stress – is he kidding?  He said that if we were in the States he could give me a prescription for medical marijuana but seeing as we live in Canada I will just have to make do on paxil.  I suppose I could always use some of Jeff’s – marijuana that is …. but then you don’t know about that so forget I said it.  Oh… have to rush…. the dog just threw up three glass baubles and half a Santa…..  Happy Christmas.

Now friends like that I can handle!  So for all of you out there who are not perfect at this Christmas stuff – from one amateur to another – have the best Christmas ever!